I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
