Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
