No stitches, just platelets and will power
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize