My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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