8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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