he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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