Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
