Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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