i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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