Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this just has baby written all over it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
