I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
