You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
