my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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