"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
