Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
