Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
