I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
