She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize