Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
