That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
now i know why i became what i already was.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
