so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
