Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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