we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize