yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
