i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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