my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Found your dick twin last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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