I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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