Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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