If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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