So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
