I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I could fuck to npr.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
