You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
