i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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