I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
