No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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