At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
