I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
