Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
