You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
