just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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