Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
