My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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