she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
