Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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