I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
