So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
