oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
