I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
