did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
