I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So squirting runs in the family.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
