Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize