i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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