I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
