tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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