remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
