i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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