Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
