Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
