Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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