At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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