We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
