and i looked up. we had an audience...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
