this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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