I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize