you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
