so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
