It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
