I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
