Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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