I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
