soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
