he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
