Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
be right there i have to get my cape
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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