Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
