I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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