I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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