i think my tv is drunk
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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