so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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