I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
