at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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