I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
