Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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