Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
