if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
