I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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