what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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