She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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