Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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