Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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