Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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