dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
