What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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