she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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