there's paper in my vomit.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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