atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize