would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
