i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
