I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
