I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
