Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
