i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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