I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
