I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize