1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
