omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
