Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
