party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
