When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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