In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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