And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
