i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
