got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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