i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
