So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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