She said her name was "party"
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
