Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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