my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
