You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
