You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
