I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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